dipendenza affettiva

[mery 0]

Vorrei sapere come si riconosce una dipendenza affettiva e come si fa a liberarsene. Grazie

[dream74 0]

tempo fa avevo fatto una ricerca; nei siti di psicologia, oppure con il motore di ricerca trovi senz'altro qualche informazione più precisa, in sintesi, la dipendenza è vicina a quella che può essere la dipendenza da altre cose, quasi un attaccamento morboso ad una persona, come se ti annientassi per qualcun'altro. Come fare a riconoscerla non lo so, perchè forse chi ne è vittima non si accorge di esserlo, sicuramente se non riesci ad essere più padrona della tua vita perchè tutto ciò che fai dipende da fattori esterni alla tua volontà. Ciao

[AlessandroMartinelli 0]

Vorrei sapere come si riconosce una dipendenza affettiva e come si fa a liberarsene. Grazie

Ciao mery,

prova a leggere le storie di Infiore e Emanuele, rispondono i dottori: Benedetta Mattei e Fabio Gherardelli.

I link sono:

http://www.psiconline.it/article.php?sid=6126

http://www.psiconline.it/article.php?sid=5806

Buona lettura.

[Lugh 0]

A me piacerebbe sapere più come combattere questa sorta di automasochismo.

Se non sbaglio la ragazza (perchè la dipendenza affettiva colpisce quasi sempre le donne) crede di poter salvare l'irrecuperabile tipo super eroina. Mi chiedo: come si potrebbe convincere queste persone a cercare di meglio? Far capire che sbagliano può bastare?

[wind 0]

il termine codependence viene usato per le relazione affettive

è una sorte di ossessione che si instaura riguardo partner figli o amici.....

se un altro diventa il fulcro della tua vita e uil tuo equilibrio dipende dal suo e non riesci a distaccartene e ad avere confini almeno un po delimitati....

se hai voglia e capacità english sto link è fatto di centinaia di pagine

http://joy2meu.com/

[wind 0]

What is codependency / codependence ?

"Codependency at it's core, a dysfunctional relationship with self. We do not know how to Love our self in healthy ways because our parents did not know how to Love themselves. We were raised in shame-based societies that taught us that there is something wrong with being human."

"This dance of Codependence is a dance of dysfunctional relationships - of relationships that do not work to meet our needs. That does not mean just romantic relationships, or family relationships, or even human relationships in general."

"Codependency a particularly vicious form of delayed stress syndrome. Instead of being traumatized in a foreign country against an identified enemy during a war, as soldiers who have delayed stress are - we were traumatized in our sanctuaries by the people we loved the most."

"Codependency is a dysfunctional emotional and behavioral defense system. . . . . .Traditionally in this society men have been taught that anger is the only acceptable emotion for a man to express, while women are taught that it is not acceptable for them to be angry. If it is not ok to own all of our emotions then we can not know who we are as emotional beings."

"Codependency could more accurately be called outer or external dependence. The condition of codependence is about giving power over our self esteem to outside sources/agencies or external manifestations. We were taught to look outside of our selves to people, places, and things - to money, property and prestige, to determine if we have worth. That causes us to put false gods before us. We make money or achievement or popularity or material possessions or the "right" marriage the Higher Power that determines if we have worth."

On this page is a column in which codependency is described from five different perspectives by codependency counselor/Spiritual teacher.

Welcome

to a page of

Joy2MeU

The Web Site of Spiritual Teacher, codependence counselor, grief therapist, author, Robert Burney and Joy to You & Me Enterprises

Go to Home Page

Site index page

Robert is the author of the Joyously inspirational book

Codependence:

The Dance of Wounded Souls

This is a column by Robert Burney.

What is codependency / codependence ?

By Robert Burney

"This dance of Codependence is a dance of dysfunctional relationships - of relationships that do not work to meet our needs. That does not mean just romantic relationships, or family relationships, or even human relationships in general.

The fact that dysfunction exists in our romantic, family, and human relationships is a symptom of the dysfunction that exists in our relationship with life, with being human. It is a symptom of the dysfunction which exists in our relationships with ourselves as human beings.

And the dysfunction that exists in our relationship with ourselves is a symptom of Spiritual dis-ease, of not being in balance and harmony with the universe, of feeling disconnected from our Spiritual source."

Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney

There are a variety of ways to describe the condition of codependency. Here are a few:

Codependency is:

at it's core, a dysfunctional relationship with self. We do not know how to Love our self in healthy ways because our parents did not know how to Love themselves. We were raised in shame-based societies that taught us that there is something wrong with being human. The messages we got often included that there is something wrong: with making mistakes; with not being perfect; with being sexual; with being emotional; with being too fat or too thin or too tall or too short or too whatever. As children we were taught to determine our worth in comparison with others. If we were smarter than, prettier than, better grades than, faster than, etc. - then we were validated and got the message that we had worth.

In a codependent society everyone has to have someone to look down on in order to feel good about themselves. And, conversely, there is always someone we can compare ourselves to that can cause us to not feel good enough.

Codependency could:

more accurately be called outer or external dependence. The condition of codependence is about giving power over our self esteem to outside sources/agencies or external manifestations. We were taught to look outside of our selves to people, places, and things - to money, property and prestige, to determine if we have worth. That causes us to put false gods before us. We make money or achievement or popularity or material possessions or the "right" marriage the Higher Power that determines if we have worth.

We take our self-definition and self-worth from external manifestations of our own being so that looks or talent or intelligence becomes the Higher Power that we look to in determining if we have worth.

All outside and external conditions are temporary and could change in a moment. If we make a temporary condition our Higher Power we are setting ourselves up to be a victim - and, in blind devotion to that Higher Power we are pursuing, we often victimize other people on our way to proving we have worth.

(I believe that we are all ONE. That we all have equal worth as Spiritual Beings, as sons and daughters of the God-Force / Goddess Energy / Great Spirit - not because of any external manifestation or outside condition.)

Codependency is:

a particularly vicious form of delayed stress syndrome. Instead of being traumatized in a foreign country against an identified enemy during a war, as soldiers who have delayed stress are - we were traumatized in our sanctuaries by the people we loved the most. Instead of having experienced that trauma for a year or two as a soldier might - we experienced it on a daily basis for 16 or 17 or 18 years. A soldier has to shut down emotionally in order to survive in a war zone. We had to shut down emotionally because we were surrounded by adults who were emotional cripples of one sort or another.

Codependency is

a dysfunctional emotional and behavioral defense system. When a society is emotionally dishonest, the people of that society are set up to be emotionally dysfunctional. In this society being emotional is described as falling apart, losing it, going to pieces, coming unglued, etc. (Other cultures give more permission to be emotional but then the emotions are usually expressed in ways that are out of balance to the extreme of letting the emotions control. The goal is balance between emotional and mental - between the intuitive and the rational.)

Traditionally in this society men have been taught that anger is the only acceptable emotion for a man to express, while women are taught that it is not acceptable for them to be angry. If it is not ok to own all of our emotions then we can not know who we are as emotional beings. [Also traditionally, women are taught to be codependent - take their self-definition (including their names) and self-worth - from their relationships with men, while men are taught to be codependent on their work/career/ability to produce, and from their presumed superiority to women.]

Codependency is:

a disease of lost self. If we are not validated and affirmed for who we are in childhood then we don't believe we are worthy or lovable. Often we got validated and affirmed by one parent and put down by the other. When the parent who is "loving" does not protect us - or themselves - from the parent that is abusive, it is a betrayal that sets us up to have low self esteem because the affirmation we received was invalidated right in our own homes.

And being affirmed for being who we are is very different than being affirmed for who our parents wanted us to be - if they could not see themselves clearly then they sure could not see us clearly. In order to survive, children adapt whatever behavior will work best in helping them get their survival needs met. We then grow up to be adults who don't know our self and keep dancing the dance we learned as children.

A dysfunctional relationship is one that does not work to make us happy.

Codependency is about having a dysfunctional relationship with self. With our own bodies, minds, emotions, and spirits. With our own gender and sexuality. With being human. Because we have dysfunctional relationships internally we have dysfunctional relationships externally. We try to fill the hole we feel inside of our self with something or someone outside of us - it does not work.

Codependence - Defined

[turbociclo 0]

Io penso che la dipendenza affettiva sia propria di chi ha subìto specialmente da piccolo gravi carenze d'affetto, per cui avverte come assoluto bisogno quello di dover colmare questa mancanza. Per questo il partner diventa il dio a cui si è sottoposti, a cui si delegano, oltre a quella affettiva, tutte le incombenze della vita, siano quelle burocratiche che quelle del come passare una serata o le vacanze. La persona dipendente in senso affettivo non coltiva interessi suoi a parte quello per il partner, alla lunga diventa facilmente una PALLA AL PIEDE di cui è difficile liberarsi.

Per il dipendente affettivamente (come ancor in parte sono io) è necessario riscoprire se stesso, la propria autonomia, le proprie potenzialità inespresse...altrimenti sono dolori! Ecco, io la vedo così, forse in modo semplicistico, ma parlo comunque anche della mia vita reale...

[Lugh 0]

So che il dipendente affettivo per dimostrare di essere un grande va alla ricerca del peggior elemento sulla faccia della terra e tenta a tutti i costi di migliorarlo, subendo così anche gravi maltrattamenti.

Come si dice il lupo perde il pelo ma non il vizio.

[coccynella 0]

Ciao a tutti,sono tornata dalle vacanze e ,come presentivo,dopo le vacanze io e il mio compagno abbiamo deciso di stare un po' soli.Non so davvero se e quando torneremo insieme.....

A proposito di dipendenza affettiva ci sono momenti in cui mi sembra mi manchi l 'aria!

Io ero davvero in simbiosi con lui e con la sua famiglia ,sentivo che per la mia età era la persona giusta.

Ma ci sono anche momenti in cui respiro di nuovo! Vedo gli amici con una grande libertà,non devo stare attenta a non incavolarmi perchè era una cosa che non sopportava,non devo sentirmi sempre l'ultima dopo tutte le sue cose.

Sto con chi come me ama certe cose e si diverte nel farle tanto che penso "non potevo darmi piu spazio prima?"Perchè quando siamo dentro una relazione non ci riesce di viverla alla leggera'?da dove nasce il dramma? L' insostenibile leggerezza dell'essere?

[Ishara 0]

Scusatemi, forse non c'entra nulla, ma io ritengo (penso) dii avere una dipendenza affettiva da mia madre. Ha 86 anni ed è vedova da 21 (io ho perso il padre 21 anni fa). Da allora mi sono sempre occupata di lei (anche se in effetti non me l'ha mai chiesto!), fino ad annullarmi. La mia vita è a tutt'oggi incentrata su di lei al punto che al minimo accenno di "malattia" sua, io vado in paranoia. Inutile dire che non ho nessuno: amici, marito, figli.

Secondo voi ANCHE questa è dipendenza affettiva? Non si tratta del genere "io ti salverò" ...

Avete libri, sistemi, qualunque cosa ... da consigliarmi?

Non vivo più.

[nello 0]

What is codependency / codependence ?

"Codependency at it's core, a dysfunctional relationship with self. We do not know how to Love our self in healthy ways because our parents did not know how to Love themselves. We were raised in shame-based societies that taught us that there is something wrong with being human."

"This dance of Codependence is a dance of dysfunctional relationships - of relationships that do not work to meet our needs. That does not mean just romantic relationships, or family relationships, or even human relationships in general."

"Codependency a particularly vicious form of delayed stress syndrome. Instead of being traumatized in a foreign country against an identified enemy during a war, as soldiers who have delayed stress are - we were traumatized in our sanctuaries by the people we loved the most."

"Codependency is a dysfunctional emotional and behavioral defense system. . . . . .Traditionally in this society men have been taught that anger is the only acceptable emotion for a man to express, while women are taught that it is not acceptable for them to be angry. If it is not ok to own all of our emotions then we can not know who we are as emotional beings."

"Codependency could more accurately be called outer or external dependence. The condition of codependence is about giving power over our self esteem to outside sources/agencies or external manifestations. We were taught to look outside of our selves to people, places, and things - to money, property and prestige, to determine if we have worth. That causes us to put false gods before us. We make money or achievement or popularity or material possessions or the "right" marriage the Higher Power that determines if we have worth."

On this page is a column in which codependency is described from five different perspectives by codependency counselor/Spiritual teacher.

Welcome

to a page of

Joy2MeU

The Web Site of Spiritual Teacher, codependence counselor, grief therapist, author, Robert Burney and Joy to You & Me Enterprises

Go to Home Page

Site index page

Robert is the author of the Joyously inspirational book

Codependence:

The Dance of Wounded Souls

This is a column by Robert Burney.

What is codependency / codependence ?

By Robert Burney

"This dance of Codependence is a dance of dysfunctional relationships - of relationships that do not work to meet our needs. That does not mean just romantic relationships, or family relationships, or even human relationships in general.

The fact that dysfunction exists in our romantic, family, and human relationships is a symptom of the dysfunction that exists in our relationship with life, with being human. It is a symptom of the dysfunction which exists in our relationships with ourselves as human beings.

And the dysfunction that exists in our relationship with ourselves is a symptom of Spiritual dis-ease, of not being in balance and harmony with the universe, of feeling disconnected from our Spiritual source."

Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney

There are a variety of ways to describe the condition of codependency. Here are a few:

Codependency is:

at it's core, a dysfunctional relationship with self. We do not know how to Love our self in healthy ways because our parents did not know how to Love themselves. We were raised in shame-based societies that taught us that there is something wrong with being human. The messages we got often included that there is something wrong: with making mistakes; with not being perfect; with being sexual; with being emotional; with being too fat or too thin or too tall or too short or too whatever. As children we were taught to determine our worth in comparison with others. If we were smarter than, prettier than, better grades than, faster than, etc. - then we were validated and got the message that we had worth.

In a codependent society everyone has to have someone to look down on in order to feel good about themselves. And, conversely, there is always someone we can compare ourselves to that can cause us to not feel good enough.

Codependency could:

more accurately be called outer or external dependence. The condition of codependence is about giving power over our self esteem to outside sources/agencies or external manifestations. We were taught to look outside of our selves to people, places, and things - to money, property and prestige, to determine if we have worth. That causes us to put false gods before us. We make money or achievement or popularity or material possessions or the "right" marriage the Higher Power that determines if we have worth.

We take our self-definition and self-worth from external manifestations of our own being so that looks or talent or intelligence becomes the Higher Power that we look to in determining if we have worth.

All outside and external conditions are temporary and could change in a moment. If we make a temporary condition our Higher Power we are setting ourselves up to be a victim - and, in blind devotion to that Higher Power we are pursuing, we often victimize other people on our way to proving we have worth.

(I believe that we are all ONE. That we all have equal worth as Spiritual Beings, as sons and daughters of the God-Force / Goddess Energy / Great Spirit - not because of any external manifestation or outside condition.)

Codependency is:

a particularly vicious form of delayed stress syndrome. Instead of being traumatized in a foreign country against an identified enemy during a war, as soldiers who have delayed stress are - we were traumatized in our sanctuaries by the people we loved the most. Instead of having experienced that trauma for a year or two as a soldier might - we experienced it on a daily basis for 16 or 17 or 18 years. A soldier has to shut down emotionally in order to survive in a war zone. We had to shut down emotionally because we were surrounded by adults who were emotional cripples of one sort or another.

Codependency is

a dysfunctional emotional and behavioral defense system. When a society is emotionally dishonest, the people of that society are set up to be emotionally dysfunctional. In this society being emotional is described as falling apart, losing it, going to pieces, coming unglued, etc. (Other cultures give more permission to be emotional but then the emotions are usually expressed in ways that are out of balance to the extreme of letting the emotions control. The goal is balance between emotional and mental - between the intuitive and the rational.)

Traditionally in this society men have been taught that anger is the only acceptable emotion for a man to express, while women are taught that it is not acceptable for them to be angry. If it is not ok to own all of our emotions then we can not know who we are as emotional beings. [Also traditionally, women are taught to be codependent - take their self-definition (including their names) and self-worth - from their relationships with men, while men are taught to be codependent on their work/career/ability to produce, and from their presumed superiority to women.]

Codependency is:

a disease of lost self. If we are not validated and affirmed for who we are in childhood then we don't believe we are worthy or lovable. Often we got validated and affirmed by one parent and put down by the other. When the parent who is "loving" does not protect us - or themselves - from the parent that is abusive, it is a betrayal that sets us up to have low self esteem because the affirmation we received was invalidated right in our own homes.

And being affirmed for being who we are is very different than being affirmed for who our parents wanted us to be - if they could not see themselves clearly then they sure could not see us clearly. In order to survive, children adapt whatever behavior will work best in helping them get their survival needs met. We then grow up to be adults who don't know our self and keep dancing the dance we learned as children.

A dysfunctional relationship is one that does not work to make us happy.

Codependency is about having a dysfunctional relationship with self. With our own bodies, minds, emotions, and spirits. With our own gender and sexuality. With being human. Because we have dysfunctional relationships internally we have dysfunctional relationships externally. We try to fill the hole we feel inside of our self with something or someone outside of us - it does not work.

Codependence - Defined

VADA VIA I CIAPP

[nello 0]

Scusatemi, forse non c'entra nulla, ma io ritengo (penso) dii avere una dipendenza affettiva da mia madre. Ha 86 anni ed è vedova da 21 (io ho perso il padre 21 anni fa). Da allora mi sono sempre occupata di lei (anche se in effetti non me l'ha mai chiesto!), fino ad annullarmi. La mia vita è a tutt'oggi incentrata su di lei al punto che al minimo accenno di "malattia" sua, io vado in paranoia. Inutile dire che non ho nessuno: amici, marito, figli.

Secondo voi ANCHE questa è dipendenza affettiva? Non si tratta del genere "io ti salverò" ...

Avete libri, sistemi, qualunque cosa ... da consigliarmi?

Non vivo più.

Credo che Tu voglia bene a tua madre..............e non ci vedo niente di strano.......certo che se la tua condotta diviene o è diventata maniacale, monocomportamentale, cannibale > cioè che mangia ogni altra soluzione di vita.....non va bene......

Ti consiglio di adottare un uomo simpatico, brillante, intelligente, ricco, positivo, che sappia cucinare, che non abbia vizi.......ECCOMI.

Ciao non scherzo.

Firmato : SUPERMAN in persona.

[Ishara 0]

Credo che Tu voglia bene a tua madre..............e non ci vedo niente di strano.......certo che se la tua condotta diviene o è diventata maniacale, monocomportamentale, cannibale > cioè che mangia ogni altra soluzione di vita.....non va bene......

Ti consiglio di adottare un uomo simpatico, brillante, intelligente, ricco, positivo, che sappia cucinare, che non abbia vizi.......ECCOMI.

Ciao non scherzo.

Firmato : SUPERMAN in persona.

Ti prego!! Numero di telefono e ... indirizzo: VOLO!!!